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Tuesday, August 11, 2009


So, we knew that today would be a draining day. That tonight we would feel completely empty. My brain shuts down on surgery days. Last surgery, I lost our car. It took my parents driving us around the parking garage to find it. I knew what we would feel like tonight.

What I didn't know. After an evening spent doing fun stuff with Evan - mainly surrounding an evening at an Ann Arbor mall where he rode the carousel, in a motorized helicopter and train ride and crawling around a play area. After laying in bed, dreading today, trying to sleep. Waking Evan at 5am to get his last bottle in before surgery. Waking, and heading to the hospital. Visiting with dear family and friends. Praying for Evan and walking up to surgery with him and Derek. Being called into the office. Then being told "I'm the bearer of bad news..."

Evan's surgery was cancelled. Postponed until Friday. There was an emergency with another child, who was in the bed in the PICU that was held for Evan after surgery. We couldn't be angry - who is there to be angry at? U of M? It wasn't their fault. Evan was likely that emergency baby a year ago that postponed another child's surgery. Instead, we pray that things are okay for that other family who is likely in a worse situation than us. We pray and give thanks that Evan is stable and happy, and at this very moment, sleeping peacefully in his crib.

We still feel empty though. Drained. To tired to be frustrated. We're back home, not unpacked, waiting to return on Thursday. To have another fun evening out for Evan, another restless night of sleep awaiting his big day. Another morning of preparing Evan for surgery. Another crappy day of feeling drained and empty.

We trust in God's timing. Though, by no means do we understand it. I don't even try anymore. It's a lesson to me of giving this situation up to God. If you know me, you know I like to be in control. Derek claims I have issues. I say he just doesn't know how to listen. I'm learning with this, I have no control, but God does. And He does listen to our many, many prayers going up for our Evan. I told Evan earlier that God has a whole filing cabinet full of prayers, all being saved up for his surgery day. God listens, and answers our prayers. But He does it His way.

" 'My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways' says the Lord. 'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thought than your thoughts'" Isaiah 55:8-9

These hiccups aren't in our plan, but they are in His. And we continue to trust. And give up control. Even if He takes it kicking and screaming.

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