strength.

Today marks 1 month until Evan's next surgery. The shock has (mostly) worn off, and we're living our (mostly) normal lives. I realized yesterday I hadn't cried in 4 days. That's good for me.

As I share our story with others, I'm surprised at a lot of people's reactions. That I'm so strong. That they don't know many who could go through this. That I'm such a great mom in the way I love Evan. I must put on a good front a lot of the time. I'm really not that strong. This is the life Evan was given, so this is the life we live. I cry. A lot. I struggle about why Evan. I don't sleep very much. I pray. A lot.

I feel so blessed to be Evan's mom. He truly is a gift to both Derek and I. I don't know that I'm stronger than the next person. I don't think you realize your strength until it's tested. And, goodness, this is certainly a test. Not just a test in being a mom, a test in the strength in my marriage, a test to the strength in maintaining a work life and maintain friendships when your mind is elsewhere.

I don't think I have any super strength, however I believe someone does. I handle this as well as any person who turns to the rock that I turn to. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10) He is the strength to get through any hardship. Whether it's a sick child, a hurting marriage, losing a loved one, or just a crappy day. He is the strength to get us through. It's amazing what a simple deep breath, and quick prayer can do to a hurting heart.

He is strength, not me. I'm simply a mom, with a wonderful husband, and a little boy with a broken heart. But I serve a great king, whom through all things are possible.