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Sunday, June 7, 2009

strength.


Today marks 1 month until Evan's next surgery. The shock has (mostly) worn off, and we're living our (mostly) normal lives. I realized yesterday I hadn't cried in 4 days. That's good for me.

As I share our story with others, I'm surprised at a lot of people's reactions. That I'm so strong. That they don't know many who could go through this. That I'm such a great mom in the way I love Evan. I must put on a good front a lot of the time. I'm really not that strong. This is the life Evan was given, so this is the life we live. I cry. A lot. I struggle about why Evan. I don't sleep very much. I pray. A lot.

I feel so blessed to be Evan's mom. He truly is a gift to both Derek and I. I don't know that I'm stronger than the next person. I don't think you realize your strength until it's tested. And, goodness, this is certainly a test. Not just a test in being a mom, a test in the strength in my marriage, a test to the strength in maintaining a work life and maintain friendships when your mind is elsewhere.

I don't think I have any super strength, however I believe someone does. I handle this as well as any person who turns to the rock that I turn to. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10) He is the strength to get through any hardship. Whether it's a sick child, a hurting marriage, losing a loved one, or just a crappy day. He is the strength to get us through. It's amazing what a simple deep breath, and quick prayer can do to a hurting heart.

He is strength, not me. I'm simply a mom, with a wonderful husband, and a little boy with a broken heart. But I serve a great king, whom through all things are possible.

4 comments:

The Bowman Blog said...

thank you for sharing your heart, Megan! We are praying for you guys. Hope the party was fun yesterday... sorry we had to miss it! Looking forward to seeing the big 1 year old sometime soon!
Aimee

Phil and Beth said...

Love you Megan! It is God's strentgh that others see. You are a living testimony for Him. When we are weak then we are strong. We are all refined through our adversity. He is drawing you closer to Him, and He wants to be glorified through all of this. Keep that as your focus. He is the "star" of the show! It is so encouraging to read your words. Thank you for being real.
Love, Beth

jenni said...

ok so maybe it's partly the hormones from just having a baby and lack of sleep, but I'm crying for you.
-Jenni Willoughby

Ferree said...

We'll be praying! And I've posted and linked your blog on mine so you can reach other's too. Love,
Auntie Ferree